13-year-old accuses stepmom of playing favorites with her 4-year-old bio son after she puts more effort into his bedroom makeover than hers, dad refuses to admit she was following parenting boundaries he set up: "I'm not her parent"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jul 24, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

The iconic show Trading Spaces inspired many viewers to at least consider a career in interior decorating. Discovery Kids used to air a spin-off of the show called Trading Spaces: Boys vs. Girls. Similar to the premise of the original show, two friends, from ages 8-14, redecorate each others' bedrooms. Because children don't really have an established aesthetic preference and likely don't know much about interior design, most rooms were pretty gaudy and themed based on their hobbies or vague interests. For example, a girl that happens to own a cat might open her bedroom door to find that all of her furnishings have been replaced with cat-themed items and that her walls have been covered with fuzzy faux fur. 
In our story today, a mom wants to revamp her 4-year-old bio kid's bedroom. She offers the same to her teenage stepdaughter. When final details have been finished in both rooms, the 13-year-old accuses stepmom of putting more effort into her son's room even though she technically got exactly what she asked for. 

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  • 01

    AITA for putting more effort into decorating my son's room than my stepdaughter's?

    >> "She feels like I don't care as much about her"
    via Motortion from Getty Images

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (40F) have been with my husband (43M) for several years. He has a daughter (13F) from a previous relationship. When we started dating
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12
  • 03
    and I was introduced to her, he made it very clear that she already had parents and didn't need another one
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12
  • 04
    ―what she needed was an advocate and mentor. I was absolutely fine with that and have always tried to respect those boundaries.
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12
  • 05
    For the most part, our relationship is good. She's a great kid. Now, we also have a son together (3M). He's my first and only biological child, and I had wanted him for a very long time.
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12
  • 06
    Here's the issue: I had a very specific vision for my son's room that I'd planned well in advance. I painted two ombre walls
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12
  • 07
    that go from grass green to sky blue and transition into a dusty blue ceiling covered in glow-in-the-dark stars.
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10532065792
    via Maria Ovchinnikova from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    His ceiling light has a sun-shaped lampshade, and his nightlight is a moon. He has a Montessori-style floor bed designed to look like a tent,
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12
  • 10
    a grassy rug, a ball pit that looks like a pool, tree trunk-shaped toy chests that double as chairs and a table, and a tree-shaped bookshelf. I paid for all of this myself.
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12
  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10532066048
    via Sergey Novikov/serrnovik from Sergey Novikov

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    When it came to my stepdaughter's room, we asked her what she wanted. She said she wanted a reading nook, so we created one with a small round
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12
  • 13
    so we created one with a small round mattress, a ton of cushions in her favorite colors, and a mosquito net canopy. She chose her wall colors
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12
  • 14
    (solid block shades), and we did the room together. We split the cost 50/50. The rest of the furniture in her room was purchased by my husband
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12
  • 15
    before I came into the picture, and he doesn't see any point in replacing it since it's still in good condition. As a result, I didn't have much say in that space.
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12
  • 16
    Cheezburger Image 10532066304
    via pixelshot

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 17
    Recently, after seeing my son's room fully set up, my stepdaughter got upset. She said I clearly put way more effort into his space than hers and
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12
  • 18
    accused me of playing favorites because he's "actually mine." I tried to explain that I didn't want to overstep when it came to her room
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12
  • 19
    and that she made most of the choices herself. But now she feels hurt and like I don't care as much about her.
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12

  • The 13-year-old likely never watched any home decorating shows; she probably didn't have any sort of concrete vision of how good her room could look. 

  • 20
    I do feel guilty because I can see how, from her perspective, it looks unfair. But I also don't know how to navigate doing more without violating the
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12
  • 21
    boundaries my husband and I set early on. I'm not her parent, and I didn't want to push decisions onto
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12
  • 22
    her room. At the same time, I now wonder if I should have tried harder or been more involved. So Reddit... AITA?
    via u/ImpossibleScallion12

  • This is our protagonist's chance to strengthen her bond with her stepdaughter; now is the time to offer adjustments to the room.

  • 23
    West_House_2085 Your husband needs to do ALL the work on this & take full responsibility for how he requested you treat his kid. He f ed up. You didn't.
    via u/West_House_2085
  • 24
    GlitterinngGlam Exactly this. OP followed the boundaries the husband set from the very beginning, and now she's the one catching heat for it? He's
    via u/GlitterinngGlam
  • 25
    the one who dropped the ball by not stepping up and making sure his daughter felt just as valued. He's the parent, he should've been taking the lead on making her feel included, not OP.
    via u/GlitterinngGlam
  • 26
    Novel_Quiet_4777 Exactly this. You can't expect someone not be like a parent then make them do stuff and have
    via u/Novel_Quiet_4777
  • 27
    responsibilities like a mother would and get upset when op doesn't act like a mom. Op could
    via u/Novel_Quiet_4777
  • 28
    sit down and explain to her stepdaughter she didn't mean to make her feel excluded and that she just didn't want to overstep
    via u/Novel_Quiet_4777
  • 29
    completedett NTA Tell your stepdaughter you went with your vision for 3 year olds room. With her room you went with her vision.
    via u/completedett
  • 30
    Ask her what else she wants done? Some fairy lights or a theme could really elevate the room.
    via u/completedett
  • 31
    coatisabrownishcolor With her room you went with her vision. This was probably where OP went wrong, at first. Stepdaughter is only 13 and may not have even known that a room like her younger
    via u/coatisabrownishcolor
  • 32
    brother's was even possible. She maybe didnt realize that ombre walls existed or that painting the ceiling would look so cool or that bespoke furniture was an offered choice.
    via u/coatisabrownishcolor
  • 33
    "It was all her decision" only works when she has the experience and knowledge to make informed choices.
    via u/coatisabrownishcolor
  • 34
    Husband is an AH, 100%. OP is not an AH at all, but in the future, maybe make sure stepdaughter knows all of her choices before she decides.
    via u/coatisabrownishcolor
  • 35
    Black Whisper The best answer would have been: I thought you liked your room as you chose it yourself but if you want to change anything just let me know
    via u/Black_Whisper
  • 36
    Classic-Delivery3875 NTA. 13 year old girls are 13 year old girls. If you want her to not feel that way. Take her shopping and let her
    via u/Classic-Delivery3875
  • 37
    pick her own things. I wouldn't take it personally. She has been the only kiddo for a long time and probably feels like her 3 year old brother gets all the attention.
    via u/Classic-Delivery3875

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family drama marriage married with children stepmom family feud married life parenting stepdaughter raising teens dad entitled family raising kids mom parents
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